Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
there is glitter all over my balls
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
