vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
