You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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