idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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