Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
