Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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