I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
