i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
