i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We need to rekindle our bromance
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
