i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish my penis had an off switch
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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