I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize