Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Less talking, more tequila
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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