I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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