I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
