I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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