hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
