I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
