I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize