It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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