some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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