out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
