You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize