and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
