oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Your cock deserves a montage
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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