Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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