she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
