My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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