Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
