tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
