I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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