That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
