Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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