Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
