I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
