My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
