bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to make out with him forever
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
