Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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