i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
