yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
