Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have fence marks all over my body
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
