Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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