I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
