what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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