I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
