Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
