THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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