Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize