can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
