girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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