im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
and she was petting her beer can
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
