Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think i have two assholes
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
