turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
