Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
