If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
