Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
