maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
