i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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