I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
