for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He kissed a someone with a penis
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
