If that was your dad, he is hot
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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