i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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