I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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