We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
