im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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