Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
