people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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