i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
nutella sex= disaster
no you cant smoke seaweed
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize