Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
