Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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