I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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