Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
