omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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