P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
