Can i not drive my cunt home
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
