"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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