I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
