I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
