: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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