It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
