I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
