come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
