I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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