whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
