my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
