walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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