You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
