I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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