I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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