We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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