So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
