Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
