I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
