So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
