You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
