Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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