i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
