Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
