It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
