im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
