I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
