dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My feet surprised me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
