fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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