she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
