I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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