Im at strip club and am horny
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pants are for mortals
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
