She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
